


castle of glass

by krabershot



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: (nothing graphic but it is mentioned), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23804371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krabershot/pseuds/krabershot
Summary: She knew there was only one person in the Games that had his full respect; someone he would do anything for. Octavio’s eyes flashed with anger as he glared at Anita. “You wouldn’t.”“Oh?” Anita sat forward again, a challenge in her tone. “Then talk to me, Silva. What is going on with you?”
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	castle of glass

As Octane regained consciousness, he quickly realised he could hear gunfire in the distance. There was a high pitched ringing sitting behind his ears, disorientating him. He sat up quickly from where he had been knocked back, his head spinning as he scrambled for his own gun. He started to shakily pull himself to his feet but fell back onto the ground when he noticed his right prosthetic was no longer attached. He could see it a few meters away, bent out of shape from the grenade blast. Octane’s breathing sped up as his fingers tightened around his gun; a scuffed up Hemlok with no attachments and three bullets left in the magazine.

Someone outside screamed, the sound muffled, and he flinched. Trust the third to land them in the middle of the hot zone as soon as they were granted permission to leave the drop ship. Octane was left on the second floor of some random building in the east side of Capital City, the countdown on his two teammates banners glowing on his holo screen for collection. His hands shook as he breathed in slowly through his nose, his shattered body shield digging into his chest. The squad that had come across him looting had left him for dead after the grenade spam he had endured. He had expected to wake up back in the respawn chamber, not passed out on the floor. Octane pulled himself along the ground until he reached his leg. He lifted it and turned it over in his hand, wincing at the damage. His second prosthetic was intact, albeit a little dinged up, but his foot on the leg he held was bent completely the wrong way. 

On the floor below him, he heard the distinct noise of a door hissing open and Octane’s grip on his leg tightened. His fear was like an ice bucket dropped over his head. He could hear someone muttering to themselves and the click click of a pistol being reloaded. Footsteps landed on the bottom of the stairs and Octane began to shake.

_“Octavio?”_

Maybe he could find a way to reattach his leg. Maybe three bullets could buy him some time. Maybe he could use one of three to get himself out of the arena quicker. Maybe he could make it out of the window. Maybe he could somehow find a way to make it to a respawn beacon. Maybe if he jammed enough stim into his neck, he could-

_“Tavi!”_

Octavio jumped, shaking his head slightly. He blinked quickly as his eyes came back into focus, and he saw Ajay staring at him. Her head was tilted to the side and she looked concerned, sitting with her hand paused above the bowl of popcorn on the couch beside her. Octavio nervously shifted the butterfly knife he was holding away from where it was resting tip down on his leg. “ _Sí._ Yes. I’m listening.”

“Uh huh…” Ajay sat back on the couch, crossing her arms. “Ya sure didn’t look like it, idiot. Where’d you go?” 

Octavio’s leg clicked, jumping up and down nervously as he chewed on his lip. His hand went back to spinning the butterfly knife, the repetitive metallic tick bringing some sense of peace back to him. “Ah. Nowhere. Just thinking.”

“Well, that’s a dangerous past time for ya,” Ajay joked, throwing a stray piece of popcorn his way. He pulled a face and shot forward to catch the second piece she threw towards him in his mouth. Ajay cackled and kicked her foot out at him. “Care to share with the class?”

“Hey, _cariño_ , nothing you gotta be concerned about,” Octavio kicked his own leg back at Ajay, wary of the steel, and tossed his free arm behind his head in an attempt to appear carefree. “Whaddaya say we play something? I’m _bored._ ” 

The door behind them opened and Anita stepped out of her room. She was in grey sweats and a fitted black shirt, her arms crossed over her chest. Ajay called out a greeting and she nodded in reply. “Silva, could I talk to you in my room for a second?” she asked, jerking her head toward the still open door. 

“Who, me?” Octavio sat up, confused. Anita could see him thinking over why she could possibly be asking for him specifically and something in his mind clicked. She saw his expression darken for a moment before he covered it.

“You’re the only Silva in the room,” Anita pointed out, staring him down. Ajay also gave him a look and he let out a loud laugh. She shoved at him and he laughed even louder, smacking her hands away. Anita watched their exchange with quiet amusement, waiting patiently. Octavio shoved Ajay with his shoulder one final time and then pushed himself up off of the couch, following Anita back into her room. 

Once inside, Anita shut the door and sat on the edge of her bed, trying to keep her body language open and casual for the conversation ahead. “Do you know why I asked to speak with you?”

“No, _señora,_ ” Octavio skirted around the edge of the room, very clearly unsure of what to do with himself. He was in constant movement, jumping from foot to foot and pulling at a hole in the bottom of the tank that he wore. The butterfly knife was still on his hand, spinning between his fingers absently.

“I spoke to Pathfinder earlier about yesterday’s game,” The click click of his knife cut off as Octavio went completely still, tension beginning to visibly coil in his body. “I’d like to hear your side of things, if that’s okay.”

“Nothing happened.” Octavio bit out, an intense frown crossing his face.

“For someone who claims to have no clue why he’s here, you sure are getting defensive,” Anita sat forward, her elbows leaning on her knees.. “You wanna tell me about this nothing?”

“Whatever Pathy thinks he saw, he is clearly wrong,” Octavio was still standing uncharacteristically still. Anita could feel the tension pouring off of him in waves.“Stupid little robot doesn’t even know what he’s talking about half the time.”

“Come on, Silva, don’t make me pull rank on you.”

Something about her words bothered him. Octavio sneered and leant back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest defensively. “Pull rank, huh? What fucking rank?” he scoffed and dropped his shoulder in an indifferent shrug. “You might have been some big hot shot IMC _puta_ out there in the ‘real world’ or whatever but _señora_...when you are down at the World’s Edge, we aren’t so different anymore.”

Anita raised an eyebrow, mirroring Octavio’s folded arms as she sat up straighter. She considered him for a moment, pursing her lips. “I could call in Che. Ask her opinion on all of this.”

It was a dirty trick and Anita knew it. She could see the shift in his posture, pushing himself back off of the wall and something in his eyes akin to a cornered animal. Noticed the way his hands had begun to twitch at his sides, knife spinning impossibly fast as he tried to calm himself internally. She knew there was only one person in the Games that had his full respect; someone he would do anything for. Octavio’s eyes flashed with anger as he glared at Anita. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh?” Anita sat forward again, a challenge in her tone. “Then talk to me, Silva. What is going on with you?”

Tense silence stretched between them and Anita almost jumped when it was broken by something she did not expect; Octavio laughing. Usually his laughter was a contagiously warm cackle that filled the room. This time it was bitter; not a single trace of a joke within his laughter. Cold and empty. It set her on edge to hear such a noise come out of him. Anita watched as his shoulders shook silently for a moment and he lifted his gaze to the ceiling. 

“Ah, _hijo de puta_...you’re really gonna threaten me with _mi Cariño_ just to get me to talk about my feelings?” he rolled his shoulders and Anita could tell by the way his body was angled toward the door that he was ready to run at any moment. But it meant something that he hadn’t. “Seems low for you.”

“You’re avoiding the subject,” she pointed out. “Tell me what is going on. I’m not the only one whose noticed the way you’ve been behaving. People are concerned, Silva. What am I supposed to do next time you’re on my squad and you decide to run off solo and become a bullet sponge for no apparent reason? I can’t count the amount of times I have seen you use that goddamn stim to run several hundred paces ahead of the squad, only to find you ten minutes later dead or dying in a ditch somewhere. When you’re not on my squad, it works out in my favour. Easy pickings. But as your regular squadmate and more importantly, as your friend, I have to ask about it. I know this isn’t a lack of skill or your reaction time slowing. You passed all the entry tests with flying colours, for God’s sake. So what is it? What changed?”

“Nothing! Stop pushing before you regret it, Anita,” Octavio was wound up tighter than a ten day clock, his hands shaking, and Anita faltered slightly at the use of her name. Usually he bounced around several different titles of respect or gave affectionate nicknames for others. He rarely used names, especially hers. Anita watched as he paced back and forth in a tight circle, angling away from her in an attempt to hide his face from her view. She knew she should back off before it got truly ugly but she needed answers or she would end up having to take it to Ajay. The way he had been acting could not continue under her watch but she wanted to at least give Octavio a chance to talk on his own terms.

“Silva-”

“And stop calling me that,” he hissed, whipping around to face her. His eyes were wild as he jabbed the knife towards her in anger. “I do not need the fucking reminder.”

“I’m sorry...Octavio,” Anita stood up from where she sat and didn’t miss the way that Octavio flinched backwards a step. She reached out a hand in what she hoped came forward as a compassionate gesture. She was never any good at this. It was usually Makoa’s job to talk people down. “Let me help, yeah? I got you. And maybe drop the knife while you’re at it, tiger.”

“What makes you think it’s something that you can help with?” he said bitterly, turning back away. Anita saw him pocket the knife and felt a flash of gratitude. “No one knows what I am thinking. They wouldn’t understand. Even Ellie would think that I was crazy.”

Anita frowned at his last comment. “What does Witt have to do with this?” she pressed curiously. Octavio’s face flushed, clearly mad at himself for slipping and giving her something to work with. She took another step forward. “Is it anxiety? Is that why you mentioned him?”

Octavio scoffed and crossed his arms. She had pushed her luck too far and he was immediately on the defense again. “Something like that.”

Anita knew she was moving way beyond where she had the authority to go, but she couldn’t help herself. This was the furthest she had ever gotten Octavio to talk about his feelings. Something that was also unfamiliar to her. “Is it anything we can help you with? Maybe Ajay could refer you to someone?”

“What do you want from me, Anita? Huh? What do you want me to say?” Octavio paced back and forth in front of Anita, his hands like claws as they raked through his unkempt hair. “You want me to feed you some bullshit about how it’s all because people didn’t pay enough attention to me as a kid? _Mami_ out of the picture and _Papi_ on a steady rotation of new step-moms for me? About how half the time it felt like he didn’t even want to know that his son existed because he was too busy running the pharmaceutical company and keeping up his appearances? Tell you all about how I throw myself in the middle of a squad like I got nothing to lose because I’m trying to feel _something_?”

“Octavio, I-”

“You wanna talk to me about how every time I feel my heart stop or I choke out my last breath...How bad I hope that it sticks, huh?” Octavio let out a shaky breath and backed up until he hit the wall. Anita had broken the dam and now he couldn’t stop. He slid down until he was sitting on her bedroom floor, knees pulled up to his chest. His hands rested on his cheeks as he stared blankly down at the floor. His fingers twitched upward and Anita recognized the movements. She had seen it a million times on the drop ship. Octavio wanted his mask back. He wanted something to hide behind. “I do it because I’m hoping that one day….one day I won’t have to wake up in that respawn chamber.”

Anita was lost as she stared down at Octavio, his face buried between his own knees. She didn’t know what to say to him, didn’t know how to even begin comforting. Her time with the IMC had taught her to buck up and keep moving, shove every emotion aside to process at a later date. She had never been taught the skills to deal with emotions like these. Hell, she had barely scratched the surface of what it was like to feel emotions like these. The closest she had gotten was losing Jackson in the Outlands, but to experience what Octavio spoke of was something different. She found herself wishing she had called in Makoa to talk to the man before her. 

She knelt down on the ground before Octavio and rested her palms on her thighs. She could see Octavio shaking quietly, trying not to cry. She kept her voice gentle as she spoke, the tone unnatural in her ears. “Listen, kid, I can’t tell you that I know what you’re going through but what I can tell you is that you are surrounded by a squad who cares about you. The awful shit that your father put you through, all that loneliness…. That’s not what family means. Family means sticking together and looking out for each other, no matter what. The others here, that’s your new family. Your family who loves you and who wouldn’t let you suffer alone if they knew what you were feeling,” Anita shifted until she was sitting cross legged before Octavio and kneaded her closed fists against her thighs, still searching for the right words. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love. I lost my brother in the fight for the Outlands. I had nights where I thought about taking the fight into my own hands. Pulling some real stupid shit, y’know? But it was during those times that I learnt you gotta let people in. You can’t do it alone.”

Anita took in a deep breath and kept her gaze fixed on the floor. She could hear Octavio’s sniffling, louder now. She opened her mouth to speak again but was cut off by a quiet thank you. She looked up in surprise to see Octavio staring at her, tear tracks glittering down his cheeks. He ran a hand down his tired face, closing his red rimmed eyes, and shook his head. 

“I know this isn’t exactly your area of expertise, _amiga_ , but I appreciate it all the same,” he said quietly, his knuckles rubbing circles into his closed eyes. He stopped for a moment and cracked open one eye, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “If you tell anyone you saw me crying like this, I’ll fill your bed with sand.”

Anita scoffed and crossed her arms. “Roger.”

They sat quietly for a moment, the only noise in the room coming from the steady clicking of Octavio’s leg as it shook. It was broken by Octavio leaning forward with a soft-spoken “I didn’t know that you had a brother.”

She made a face, looking away, and Octavio cocked his head to the side. “Yeah. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss that idiot,” a small smile quirked her lips and Anita closed her eyes. “Such a hot headed asshole, always getting into trouble. I always had to come along and save the day. But I never really minded. Just wish I had appreciated the time I had with him while I had it.”

Octavio stared at Anita, letting out a laugh. “Who woulda thought, huh? The two of us, talking about our big sad pasts together like a couple of _mejores amigos_ ,” he wrinkled his nose, jerking his head towards the closed door. “Ajay would be proud of us, ah? She wants me to make more friends. But between you and me, _amiga_ , I think I annoy most of the people here.”

Anita couldn’t help her laugh, tension draining out of her body at the change of pace. “Well, can I suggest dialing back the amount of screaming in the middle of the night? And no more stealing all the snacks, asshole. Those are meant to be communal.”

Octavio let out a wicked cackle and pushed himself to his feet. “ _Mira_ , I get hungry! My metabolism is just as fast as my stim!”

Anita stood slowly, folding her arms across her chest almost defensively. She hated to bring the mood back but she had to check in. “Hey. I really am sorry about pulling all of this out of you. But you gotta understand that everyone was concerned,” she sighed and Octavio made a face, back to pulling at the hole in his shirt. “But I hope that you know that we are a family here. And family sticks together.”

Octavio nodded, running a hand through his scruffy hair. “Yeah, I hear ya,” he stared at her for a moment before walking to the door. He opened it quickly and stood in the doorway, jumping from foot to foot as he contemplated his words before settling on a simple “thank you”.

He closed the door after Anita had waved him away and found himself back in the main living quarters of the Legends complex. Ajay had turned the tv back on and was curled up at the end of one of the couches, the bowl of popcorn now resting on the coffee table. She grinned at him and opened her arms wide, waving her fingers towards him. Octavio was there in an instant, jumping over the back of the couch to land on Ajay. She wrapped her arms around him tight and he rested his head against her collarbone, wriggling around to get comfortable. 

“Quit ya moving, rabbit! Ya bony little elbows are digging into me,” Ajay grumbled. Octavio giggled and shook his head. Ajay spluttered, one of her hands moving up to pat his hair down. “Hey, don’t romp with me. I’ll take those legs of yours back.”

Octavio settled, his head tucked under Ajay’s chin. She started tracing gentle lines down his back and he shivered. “I spoke to Anita about some pretty heavy stuff,” he said. Ajay’s hand stilled for a moment before restarting its movements. “She said she was gonna have to talk to you if I didn’t spill it...which seemed scary at the time. But we talked it over. And she convinced me that I shouldn’t be doing this shit alone.”

“What shit, huh?”

Octavio took in a deep breath and let his hand find Ajay’s, their fingers linking. He could feel her eyes staring down at him, waiting for him to say something but not pushing. She knew not to push. She could tell from the way he was acting that someone had pushed and now she was simply waiting. Ajay squeezed Octavio’s hand and he started to talk. Once he started, he found it difficult to stop but Ajay let him go. It was the first time she had gotten him to be serious about anything. So together they sat on the couch in the middle of the Legend’s complex, wrapped up in each other's arms, as Octavio talked for hours.

**Author's Note:**

> did i name this after a linkin park song? yes.
> 
> this was something of a vent piece i started a while back & _very_ quickly finished (the end is mad rushed, my apologies) but i wanted to get something published :^)
> 
> as always, come talk to me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/wrenchjnr)


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